


Tsuna's Bucket List

by Master_Procrastinator



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Angst, Arcobaleno Curse (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!), Arcobaleno Sawada Tsunayoshi, BAMF Sawada Tsunayoshi, Character Death, Gen, Ten Years Later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:02:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21774151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Master_Procrastinator/pseuds/Master_Procrastinator
Summary: Tsuna's going to die in a year. Maybe. Probably. He's really trying not to think about it too much.Though if he must die, there are a few things he has to do before he goes, and he's written himself a bucket list.Some of the things on it seem impossible, and most are absolutely improbable. But Tsuna spent the first fourteen years of his life not doing things because he didn't think he could. That had gotten him nowhere, and he doesn't have the time to waste anymore.
Comments: 54
Kudos: 301





	1. Make A Bucket List

It was an ordinary night for twenty-three-year-old Sawada Tsunayoshi, mafia Don of the Vongola family. Most would find it surprising that an ordinary night for someone with such a title was filling out paperwork, but there he was, sitting at his desk, fatigue threatening to overwhelm him as he re-read the same sentence three times.

The grandfather clock standing in the corner chimed, and Tsuna startled awake, accidentally smacking his head against the desk in his surprise.

He hissed in pain and rubbed his forehead, hoping that there wouldn’t be a bruise that he’d have to explain. 

Tsuna looked to the culprit and was surprised to see that it had gotten so late. He glanced back at his pile of paperwork; he’d barely even made a dent.

Seconds later, a shiver went down his spine, and Tsuna became aware that he and his paperwork weren’t so alone anymore.

The Decimo yawned, arms stretching above his head. He brought them back down, hand casually resting on the button hidden within one of the designs on his desk that would have his office flooded with guards in a matter of seconds.

“Now, now, Tsunayoshi, is that necessary?”

His arm retracted at the familiar voice, but the tension did not recede. “Kawahira,” he greeted slowly, ignoring the sinking feeling in his gut. He hadn’t spoken to the man for nearly ten years. They did not need to; the pacifiers were sealed away in their jars, never to take another victim.

And yet, here they were.

“It has been a long time. You’ve grown up,” the man said as he took the seat across the desk.

It hadn't been nearly long enough in Tsuna’s opinion. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“Ah, yes, I’m afraid this is no social visit.” Getting right to the point, the man reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out something that filled Tsuna with dread. The sky pacifier was resting in his hand, no jar in sight. “As you can see, something has gone wrong.”

That was an understatement. Getting a flat tire was something going wrong. This, this was nothing short of a catastrophe. “What happened?” he asked, surprising himself at how calm he sounded. Maybe it was the shock.

“The Sky Pacifier is stronger than the others, so what works for them will not necessarily work for this one. It was a good idea, Tsunayoshi, just not a realistic one.” He sounded truly apologetic at that moment, but Tsuna didn't care.

“Can we not just remake the jar every ten years? If it’s worked this long, then surely we can just keep doing this?” 

“Usually, that would be the case,” Kawahira agreed. “However, the pacifiers are not static. They change and grow with each new user. They are almost….sentient in that way.” His voice was nearly fond as he looked at the object in his hands. It scared Tsuna, reminded him that the person in front of him was not human. “The Sky Pacifier has realized it has been tricked, and it won’t fall for the same thing twice.”

With that option out the window, the next logical question was ‘what now,’ but he didn't want to ask. He knew where this was going, and he wished to remain ignorant.

“Now, Tsunayoshi, it is time for you to make a choice,” the man said after Tsuna had remained silent.

He didn't see that many options in front of him. “What choice?”

“We both know why I am here. You are the strongest sky, but you are not the only one with potential.”

It took Tsuna a few seconds to catch on, but he was furious when he did. “Absolutely not. She is a child.”

“And she was just a child when she had it the first time. I am merely laying out the options,” Kawahira said calmly. 

“You won’t touch her,” he commanded. “Not as long as I am here.”

“Is that your choice, then?”

Tsuna sighed, feeling the anger surge out of him, leaving a deep sorrow in its place. He was trapped, and he knew it. He would not risk Yuni’s safety for his own selfish desires. Not when she trusted him and called him Uncle Tsuna whenever he saw her. He would not ruin the happiness she had found when he had watched her live a life where she had been weighed down by responsibility not meant for those so young. She had been so miserable, so sad, in that time. And he refused to watch the girl who had celebrated her 14th birthday just last week go through the same thing. “How long do I have?”

Kawahira seemed to ponder this for a moment. “It is hard to say. The pacifier is ‘angry’ so to speak, that it has been tricked. It will not be kind to its next wielder. A year, I think, would be a safe guess.”

A year? That was it? Tsuna thought he would have had at least five. Enough time to get everything in order before he had to go. It wasn’t enough time. He still had so much to do, to see, to change. “Oh,” he whispered as his head fell to his hands where he desperately tried to stop the tears.

“Are you ready then, Tsunayoshi?”

No. He was not ready. He sat up anyways with a small nod because he had no other choice. It was like he had gone back in time to when he was fourteen and feeling helpless in the face of an impossible situation. Though this time there would be no last-minute solution ready to present itself. He could not train for a week and beat the opponent with a lot of luck. Reborn wasn’t there to pull some crazy stunt and get him out of this.

He reached out one shaking hand.

There was a flash of blinding light, and it was several minutes before Tsuna could see again. 

He was alone, and the pacifier was laying in his palm. A noise he didn't know he was capable of making escaped his lips as the tears began streaming down his face.

He was going to die.

He’d be dead in a year.

Dead.

Dead.

_Dead._

He would be dead and leave everyone behind.

Tsuna sank to his knees as his shoulders shook, sobs wracking his frame. He didn't want to die. He’d never been optimistic about living to an old age, but he wasn't ready to go yet.

It seemed he’d never get to live past 24 no matter what timeline he was in. 

And so Tsuna cried until the stupid clock chimed again, reminding him that the longer he sat there, the more likely it was he’d be found out.

He wasn’t sure what he’d do if he was. How did one tell the people they cared about most in this world that he would be dead in a matter of months? How could he let those that relied on him, trusted him, down? 

He wasn’t so sure that he could.

Tsuna wiped the tear tracks from his face with the back of his hand, desperately trying to pull himself together. He needed a plan, and crying wasn’t going to get him one. 

He looked for any other emotion besides despair to cling on to, and he was surprised to find a dim sense of determination. Maybe it was some weird form of denial, but all he could think was that he had a full year ahead of him, and he’d be damned if he wasted even a moment more of it. Some things needed to be done before he could allow himself to…..well, he wouldn’t think about that just yet.

He rummaged through his desk, pulling out some fancy stationery he never used, and his favorite pen. It was dangerous to keep a physical reminder of his fate, but Tsuna began to write anyways. It would need to be burned later, but for now, it would be okay.

He scribbled as a man possessed. There was no hesitation or pauses; ideas were coming at him left and right. He didn't need to stop and think about it at all, and he guessed that perhaps this was his intuition at work. He didn't stop until he could think of nothing more to add. He looked at his finished product.

Despite the high-quality paper and handwriting that had become nearly perfect after years of practice, Tsuna could not find anything beautiful about it. All he saw was the morbidity of a bucket list. 

But it was done. It was the list of things that Tsuna refused to leave unaccomplished before the year was over. If nothing else, he would leave the world slightly better off than when he came into it.

The clock chimed for the third time. Soon, it would be morning. People would be waking up, and Tsuna would have to make a decision.

But that was a decision for later. At the moment, there were a few people he needed to talk to. Unfortunately, those at the top of the list would be unreachable, but there was still one person Tsuna needed to see. 

Tsuna grabbed the pacifier that had been sitting on his desk with a shudder. Without looking at it, he shoved it in his pocket before standing up. He took a deep breath and schooled his face. 

“Decimo,” his current security detail greeted as Tsuna stepped out of his office.

“Marco,” he returned, “I hope I haven’t kept you too long?” The man looked tired, and Tsuna felt guilty. He’d probably been hoping that Tsuna would go to bed hours ago.

“Of course not,” was the immediate reply. 

“I’m glad, then. Goodnight, Marco.”

“Goodnight, Decimo.” 

Tsuna sighed in relief as he was freed from his guard. The guardian’s wing of the mansion was the one place where security wasn't allowed. 

It was the ideal location to escape.

Tsuna opened the hidden door leading to the wing. For once, it was completely quiet. With the combination of guardians on missions and the very early hour, there was no fighting, yelling, crying, or any general disturbance. It almost made Tsuna worry, but the feeling of his guardian’s flames in the near vicinity was enough to soothe his frazzled nerves.

He walked to the door at the end of the hall and turned the knob. His room was just as he had left it that morning: bed neatly made, documents sitting on his second desk in the corner, and windows firmly locked. Every boss since the mansion's construction had slept in the room, and the walls hummed with the remnants of powerful flame users. 

Before, this had always made him feel safe. Now, he felt like he was being watched. He shuddered before stepping inside fully, taking care to shut the door behind him. 

His first step was to walk to his dresser. He pulled open the first drawer and dug through its contents. Not finding what he wanted, he repeated the task with the second drawer, and then the third and fourth. Finally, in the fifth drawer, he found it.

It was a little bag that held some cufflinks inside. He dumped them out and carefully put the pacifier inside. It wasn't much, but it was just a little more protection from the truth being discovered just yet. 

Next, he messed up his bedsheets to make it look as though he had actually slept in it. It wouldn't do for anybody to worry about his mild case of insomnia. 

Finally, Tsuna held up the piece of paper that held his future. He’d written it not even an hour ago, but already he could recite it word for word. With a flick of his fingers, the paper was set ablaze. He watched it as it burned. Each scribbled word was slowly swallowed until there were none left. Tsuna dropped the last smoking fragment on his desk.

It said a lot about his emotional state that his desk immediately caught fire. It had been years since he had exhibited such a lack of control as to allow things to catch fire when he didn't want them to.

He hastily put it out, staring with a little bit of despair at the scorch marks. That desk was expensive.

Reborn would kill him.

He’d have to deal with it later, Tsuna decided. Instead, he patted his pocket one more time to make sure the bag still sat securely within, and then he made his way to the window. 

Tsuna’s room was on the third floor, so it was a decent drop. Still, Tsuna knew how to fly, so it was barely an inconvenience to let himself fall, slowing his descent as he approached the bushes.

Firmly on the ground, he checked his surroundings for the guards. Seeing nothing, he began the long walk to the nearby town. While there were quite a few faster ways to get there, Tsuna felt that the time to clear his head would do him some good.

The town was one of those charming postcard towns, the atmosphere ruined only by the Vongola Mansion looming overhead. Still, Tsuna adored it. He’d spent a lot of time there as a teenager when being the heir to a mafia syndicate became just a bit too much. And even now, when being a mafia boss was too stressful, he often ventured to the little cafe sitting on the corner. 

Being so early, the streets were empty as he walked down them. But it didn't seem deserted, just quiet. Some of the windows shone with the lights turned on inside. Those who couldn’t sleep or chose to stay up to finish whatever it was they needed to do. Simply living their lives, thinking about what would come tomorrow.

Taking for granted that there’d be a tomorrow.

Tsuna swallowed the bitterness. It wasn’t fair to be angry at those people for living normal lives. He’d chosen this life.

Hadn’t he?

No, that wasn't quite right. He’d chosen his friends and family as he would continue to choose them for the remainder of his life. But he’d never chosen this life. He could remember those first few years, with his constant screams of denial, refusal. Nobody had listened, or maybe they had thought he wasn’t being serious.

His mind had never changed about that. Even now, at his most successful, he wouldn’t choose this for himself. But by the time he’d grown the spine to put his foot down, it had been far too late.

Regret was too strong of a word. Tsuna knew the people he considered his closest were the ones he would never have met if his life had been normal, and the thought of a life without them left him breathless. It would be the same as living without his heart. Impossible.

“If only things had just been a little different,” he muttered to himself. If only they had all been normal from the beginning. A life where Tsuna was simply a no-good student, and Reborn was his tutor, not teaching him to be a mafia boss, but instead to get him to graduate middle school.

That wasn’t the life he had, but it was the one he wanted sometimes. His deepest desire that he would never tell anybody because they wouldn’t understand. The people in his life thought that the mafia was the best thing that ever happened to them.

Tsuna felt the pacifier resting against his thigh. How this world could be anybody’s best life was beyond him.

He reached the edge of the town just as snow began to fall. Tsuna pulled his jacket a little closer. It was going to be a long trip.

The sun rose slowly. Tsuna stopped for a minute to watch it. He didn't see it often, and frankly, it didn't interest him all that much. It was beautiful though, and that was enough.

Talbot lived two towns to the east of Vongola Mansion. Close enough in case of emergency, but far enough in case of disaster. It wasn’t flashy like most things associated with Vongola tended to be. At least not at the surface. To outsiders, it appeared like a normal house with a fairly large yard and a bright yellow weathervane sitting on the roof.

What the outsiders didn't see were the miles of tunnels running underground. Quite honestly, Tsuna wasn’t entirely sure how far they went and really didn't want to.

He walked up the front steps and knocked three times, just as he always did. When there was no answer, his brows furrowed. He probably should have confirmed that Talbot was home before he made the journey.

Just as he was considering what to do next, the door swung open.

“It’s six in the morning! Not everyone’s as young as you are, Decimo.”

It was probably the grouchiest Tsuna had ever seen him. “Apologies, Talbot, I hadn’t considered the time.”

There was a huff. “Can’t be angry when you’re looking like your dog just died, can I? Get in here.”

They went to the sitting room full of mismatched and misplaced furniture. Talbot huddled himself into his rocking chair and Tsuna relaxed on the outdoor chaise lounge that sometimes functioned as a table.

“You look rough, Decimo, if I’m being honest,” Talbot said, studying him.

If that was the reaction he got after a few hours, Tsuna didn't want to know what it would be like in a month's time. “I’ve had some rather...unfortunate news if I’m being honest.” Not wasting time, Tsuna reached into his pocket, pulling out the bag. He shuddered as he pulled the string and lifted the pacifier to eye level.

Talbot’s eyes were wide with shock. “But how?” he demanded. “The jars were working perfectly only a week ago.”

Tsuna tried his best to explain what had happened, not that he was very sure about that part himself. He answered Talbot’s questions as if he knew any of the answers.

And finally, “Damn,” Talbot muttered. “But don’t go giving up just yet, Decimo. I’ve got some ideas.”

Tsuna liked that about Talbot. Never one to give up and always full of ideas to fix the things that went wrong. Tsuna listened to each idea that was presented to him, trying his best to be a helpful sounding board. Despite his better judgment, Tsuna felt just a shred of hope enter his heart. Talbot thought they could fix this, and he knew better than Tsuna.

Maybe things would be okay, after all.

As Talbot’s ideas kept coming, Tsuna was finding it hard to keep his eyes open. He was thoroughly spent by the events of the night, and it had been a few days without a good night's sleep even before the disaster.

-V-

He didn't remember actually falling asleep, but when he next opened his eyes, the sunlight pouring through the window was much brighter.

Though that was hard to see with Talbot’s black shades only inches from Tsuna’s face.

“Morning,” Talbot said, not seeming too put out that Tsuna had fallen asleep on him. “I’ve got some things I need to try.” In his hands was the pacifier.

Tsuna was surprised the man could hold it. He’d thought that was against the rules or something.

Talbot noticed his gaze. “Ah, yes. This would be going very differently if I had sky flames, but since I don't, this little brat can’t steal from me.”

He talked about it in the same way that Kawahira did, as though it were living. And then Tsuna truly knew that the man in front of him would be his best chance of survival.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” Tsuna said. He sat up and stretched out his arms.

Talbot waved his hand. “Nothing for it, but now that you’re awake, I’ve something I want to attempt.”

“What is it?”

“We’re working on a deadline, here, and since I can’t be with you all of the time, and you can’t be here just the same, I was thinking it would be the best option for me to keep the pacifier with me. However, I don’t know what physical distance you’re allowed to have with it if any at all. Optimistically, the connection is purely spiritual and doesn’t rely on the closeness at all.”

“The Arcobaleno always wore theirs,” Tsuna pointed out.

“Well, yes, but we do not know if that was merely a matter of convenience. For example, you are not touching the pacifier currently and not experiencing any negative side effects. So what I’m going to do is stand by the door and you will continue to distance yourself from me until you can either go no further or something happens.”

“Okay,” he agreed enthusiastically. He didn't want the thing anyways. If he didn't have to have it on him, it would be one less way for anybody to find out.

Nothing happened for the first ten feet or for the second. As Tsuna walked farther, he began to feel excited that perhaps he really didn't need to wear it. But as he took another step, he felt a stutter in his heart. He rubbed at his chest.

“Everything okay?” Talbot asked.

“Fine.” Tsuna took another step.

Thump. 

Another.

He was having trouble pulling in breaths.

A third.

By that point, the pain was almost unbearable.

Tsuna took the fourth step anyways.

He dropped to his knees. His vision blurred as his heart tried to beat out of his chest and circulate oxygen that Tsuna couldn’t get. He was gasping for air and blood dripped from his nose to the hardwood beneath him.

Suddenly, the pain lessened.

He took a deep breath, laying down on his side when his arms made it clear they wouldn’t support him anymore.

“Decimo?”

“I’m. Okay.” He breathed deeply again.

“This was perhaps a bad idea,” Talbot said. “Do you require medical care?”

Tsuna shook his head and tried to push himself off the ground. He couldn't do it. “I’ll just stay here for a minute.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“Water.”

As Talbot went to get it, Tsuna stared at the pacifier he had left behind. It looked so harmless. But it was far more dangerous than it appeared.

He remembered what Kawahira had said: ‘the pacifier is angry.’ Was this what he meant?

Talbot returned and Tsuna managed to push himself against the wall to drink it.

“That was about thirty feet,” Talbot said. “Obviously, the pacifier must stay with you. But worry not, we’ll just have to take a few extra steps.” He stooped down beside Tsuna. “But for now, I think it might be best if you went home. You aren’t looking good.”

“We don’t have time to waste,” Tsuna snapped, immediately regretting it.

“I understand that Decimo, truly I do, and I promise to give this problem my full attention, but you are unwell and I do not wish to strain you further.”

Tsuna nodded slowly. “I’m sorry. You’re right of course.” But even the thought of leaving before there was an answer or even a plan to get an answer made him feel sick.

“Yes, yes. You’ll find that I usually am. Now, let’s call your car back and you can be on your way.”

“I don’t have a car.”

“Do you mean to say you walked? My idiotic friend, you’ll be sure to catch a fever for that one. Now, up you get and I’ll call someone to arrange a vehicle for you.”

Leaning fairly heavily on Talbot, the two walked back to the sitting room where Tsuna’s lounger was waiting.

“Talbot,” Tsuna called. “I ask that you don’t tell anyone about this.”

“I can understand that the knowledge of what happens upon separation from the pacifier is dangerous if in the wrong hands, but surely the family must know?”

“It’s not about that. I don’t want them to know about the pacifier at all.”

Talbot raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure, Decimo?”

Tsuna wasn’t sure about much these days, least of all this. If he didn't tell them and they found out, they would never forgive him. He knew that much. But if he did tell them, it would become the center of everything. Every mission, trip, and conversation would be about how to save Tsuna. And Tsuna didn't want that. He wanted to live, was desperate to live, but the world they lived in couldn’t afford to be put on halt just for him. He didn't build up his family for it all to come crumbling over the stupid pacifiers.

Most of all though, he realized with newfound clarity, if these were to be his last months, then Tsuna wanted to spend them happily with those he cared for. Not full of worry and anxiety and sadness. There would be no more laughs and cherished memories if he told.

He’d be dead in their eyes the second they found out.

“Yes.”

-V-

He dozed again waiting for the car while Talbot promised him to send frequent updates about his progress.

The sound of a slamming car door woke him. It was a very angry slam.

As was the knock on the front door.

“Reborn!,” Talbot cried. “We certainly weren’t expecting you,” he called loudly, no doubt as a warning.

Tsuna blanched. Reborn was going to find out. Reborn always found out what Tsuna was doing, especially if he tried to hide it. There was probably some sort of Arcobaleno mind link or something else equally as unlikely that would give him up before Tsuna could even speak.

But if such a thing did exist, Reborn didn't say anything. His face was blank; he was very, very mad.

“Reborn,” Tsuna greeted calmly. “I couldn’t sleep and had something to discuss with Talbot. Seeing as the garage had been locked up for the night and I didn't want to bother anybody, I decided to walk. I must have caught a cold or something on the way.”

As plausible as it was, Tsuna knew Reborn wouldn’t believe it.

Reborn came closer and sat on the edge of the chair without a word. He grabbed Tsuna’s chin and tilted his head from side to side. He moved his hand to Tsuna’s forehead, checking for a fever.

Finally, he spoke. “I thought I had beaten the idiot out of you years ago.”

Tsuna huffed out a weak laugh. “Are you saying that you were wrong? The great Reborn?”

“Hardly.” It was clear Reborn was not in a joking mood. “This was a stupid idea, Tsuna.”

Tsuna hated the disappointment he could hear in Reborn’s voice. “Come on now,” he choked out, “this is hardly the first time I went off on my own.”

Reborn’s eyes hardened, and Tsuna knew he had gone too far. “You didn't bring a gun, cell phone, or bodyguard. You left no note or indication of where you had gone. You left your room looking like you’d been attacked. You left with no consideration as to how it would appear to everyone else. Your guardians have half destroyed the mansion trying to find you. Nono’s ready to declare war. And then we get a call saying stupid little Tsuna went gallivanting off on his own. He’s in no danger, he’s simply too selfish to tell anyone where he went.”

Tsuna thought back to the state of his room. The messy bed, empty dresser, and most damningly, the scorch marks on the table. He winced. It was a very convincing, if accidental, crime scene.

“The security cameras should have-”

“They were looped. Nobody noticed until you were long gone.”

That was likely Kawahira’s doing, not that anybody else would know. “That’s a security risk,” Tsuna supplied automatically.

“People thought you were dead, Tsunayoshi.” Reborn’s eyes were blazing, and Tsuna understood.

Reborn had thought he was dead.

Oh.

“I-” Tsuna choked out, eyes suddenly welling up with the tears he thought he’d run out of. That wasn’t what he wanted, He hadn’t meant to worry everyone. He wasn’t supposed to cause them pain. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed, embarrassed about crying but not able to stop. “I’m so sorry.”

I’m sorry that I have to die, he wanted to say.

Reborn gently grabbed his face again. “Hush now. A good boss doesn’t cry.”

Tsuna laughed between his sobs. It was such a Reborn thing to say.

Calmed down just a little, Tsuna could feel the familiar sun flames running through his system, looking for what was wrong.

As far as he knew, there would be nothing to find. Not yet.

He let them work regardless, basking in their warmth. Reborn rarely used his flames to heal, especially on other people. He must really look like a mess if he was deigned worthy enough a cause.

He used them as an anchor to stifle his crying. Focusing solely on the feeling, Tsuna calmed himself enough to wipe away the last of the tears.

The anger was gone from his advisor’s eyes, hidden concern taking its place. He had practically raised Tsuna, had always understood what couldn’t be said in words.

“What happened last night?”

Reborn’s flames not gone, Tsuna was almost overwhelmed by the feeling of trust and safety. He wanted to tell. Reborn would make the problem go away.

There hadn’t been secrets between them in years. He trusted Reborn before anyone else and knew the hitman more than someone had since his mother. He would be risking that trust the longer he tried to hide this.

Tsuna snapped his mouth shut. Reborn was a former Arcobaleno. He would be devastated by their reappearance. Tsuna didn't know what Reborn would do if he saw the thing in Tsuna’s possession.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you.”

They were both a bit taken aback by Tsuna’s words. They had no place in any of their conversations. It felt wrong.

“I see,” said Reborn. He stood up. “We should see about getting you back home. Can you walk?”

“Reborn-”

“Would you tell me if I needed to know?”

“Of course,” Tsuna replied immediately, sounding more confident than he was.

“Then that’s all there is to it.” He held out his hand for Tsuna to take.

Tsuna used it to pull himself up. He was nauseous and unsteady immediately, but before he could blink, his arm was thrown over Reborn’s shoulders and a hand gripped his waist.

Talbot, who had stayed out of sight after Reborn’s appearance, was holding the door open as they made their way step by step towards the car.

“We’ll be in contact, Decimo.”

Tsuna nodded gratefully. “Thank you.”

It was still somewhat of a novel thing to watch Reborn drive a car considering he’d been the size of a toddler when they met. And while he was now definitely an adult, they weren’t quite sure how old he was. Reborn himself had said he’d been cursed at 32, but the years as a child and the random growth spurts after the curse had been broken couldn’t really be measured.

At present, he seemed to be only a few years older than Tsuna.

No matter his age, the idea of Reborn having an absurdly expensive car to drive just seemed to fit, and there was no doubt that he knew how to operate it expertly. The car barely seemed to be moving as Tsuna rested his head against the window.

It didn't take long to reach the mansion, and Tsuna frowned when he saw that there was a lockdown. He really hadn't meant to cause so much trouble.

Their car was waved through the front gate and Tsuna could immediately feel the eyes on him as they pulled up the driveway. He raised his head to check out the roof and found who he was looking for.

The car came to a stop. Reborn got out quickly and came to the passenger side. Soon enough, Tsuna was leaning against him for support again.

Tsuna’s eyes jumped back to the roof, this time raising a hand in greeting along with a small flare of his flames.

Hibari’s own flared in return as the man nodded before he disappeared from sight altogether. Tsuna felt himself settle even further as the cloud flames rushed through him. He stood a little straighter. He could do this.

The second they stepped through the front door, Tsuna was accosted.

“Tsuna-nii”

Fourteen-year-old Lambo was just as rambunctious as his five-year-old counterpart had been. Thankfully, the older version was better at showing restraint and pulled back from his hug as soon as he noticed that Tsuna wasn’t supported under his own power.

“Where the hell have you been?” Lambo demanded.

At just that moment, the door leading into the parlor was flung open. “Where the hell have you been?” Gokudera demanded in the same tone.

Tsuna gave a small laugh, and he could practically feel Reborn’s eye roll.

“Hayato, Lambo, I’ve been out on business. I’m sorry to have worried you.”

Hayato immediately came up beside him and took most of the weight of his other side, which was a bit of a relief if Tsuna was honest. He wasn’t sure how far he would have made it. Storm flames rushed through Tsuna as a greeting while he let his own return the gesture.

Lambo, seeing what had happened, tried to do the same. Tsuna grit his teeth at the shock. Lambo wasn’t as good at controlling his flames just yet, so his greeting tended to be a little more electricity-filled than he intended. Nevertheless, Tsuna sent his own flames to reciprocate, and Lambo beamed, most of his irritation from minutes earlier forgotten.

Gokudera was not so easy to please. “This was irresponsible of you. You have to start telling people where you’re going when you leave. And what the hell happened to you?”

“Talbot and I had an urgent matter to discuss,” Tsuna responded. Gokudera wouldn’t push while Tsuna was still largely incapacitated, but by the way his second in command bristled, it was not a satisfactory answer. Tsuna would just have to make it up to him later somehow.

They turned left at the next junction and Tsuna had a bad feeling of where they were going.

“My room’s the other way,” he tried.

“If you can get there yourself, then go,” Reborn shot back.

Tsuna sighed in resignation as he was led to the infirmary.

It caused a bit of a commotion when the boss was hurt, so the infirmary was already a buzz of activity by the time they opened the doors.

He was ushered to a bed, which was a welcomed development. The poking and prodding were less so.

Eventually, he was diagnosed with the obvious: severe exhaustion. As it had been eloquently put: “Your results look like you downed three energy drinks and then ran six consecutive marathons.” They put him on some fluids and finally gave him the peace and quiet to rest.

He knew there were still things he needed to do. He had to come up with something to tell the Ninth, apologize to his guardians that were already here and be prepared to do the same with the rest, who had no doubt been recalled from various parts of the world. He had to make sure he hadn’t irreparably fractured Reborn’s trust. Most of all, he needed to do something about what was inside his pocket.

But for now, he slept.


	2. Don't Let People Get Suspicious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsuna has to do a lot of deflecting in order to get himself out of this predicament unscathed. He's not very good at it, and soon the whole thing has the potential to be over before it even started.

Tsuna slowly came back to consciousness. His body was stiff, so he knew it must have been a few days. Therefore, it came as no surprise that he felt the room filled with flames before he even opened his eyes.

Flames were a difficult concept for people unfamiliar to understand. They were a literal representation of the resolve of one’s soul. Each person’s soul was different, which meant that two people’s flames would be different regardless of whether or not they had the same flame type. That was why Tsuna knew who was in the room without looking, and why he knew he was safe.

Flames were also the reason Tsuna felt smothered even though he knew he’d see no obvious culprit if he opened his eyes. It was a fairly common tactic; an injured member of a bonded set of users would be outputting a smaller flame than usual, so the other members would oversaturate the air with their own flames in an effort to obscure the weaker signal entirely.

Tsuna didn't really find the protection in his own home necessary, but he wouldn’t complain too much. Not that it would get him anywhere even if he did. Injured skies were supposedly a Big Deal™. 

Not that he was even really injured. But whatever, he’d just have to suck it up.

He allowed himself to leave the peaceful half-awake state he’d been floating in while he pondered the undoubtedly strange nature of his life. 

The first thing he saw was the infirmary ceiling. Unsurprising.

Judging by the amount of light entering through the window, it was probably late at night. Which would explain the fact that nobody had noticed his waking up.

The weights against his sides were comforting and familiar, even if they almost certainly no longer fit on the bed. Tsuna gently pushed Lambo’s head onto his chest so it wouldn’t be pulling at his IV so much. On his left, he took one of I-pin’s braids out of her mouth. He winced just looking at Fuuta’s position by his feet. Fuuta had finally given up the good fight of making room in a hospital bed for four about a year ago and had taken to pulling a chair over instead. His head was resting on Tsuna’s ankle, and he was bent over in an uncomfortable configuration.

Beyond these three was the expensive sitting room furniture that had become a permanent fixture in the infirmary somewhere around the Fourth’s time. Sprawled across the long sofa was Sasagawa Ryohei. He was snoring loudly, occasionally punctuated with a little twitch of his fists. 

Tsuna huffed a little laugh. Even in his sleep, Ryohei couldn’t be kept from boxing.

Next to the sofa was another, nearly identical, one. On it were Gokudera and Yamamoto. Each had their legs hanging over the arms, and their heads met in the middle. 

Across from them were Mukuro and Chrome in a pair of chairs. Chrome was small enough to curl up comfortably in the oversized chair. Mukuro, on the other hand, was sitting ramrod straight, eyes open, a smirk on his face.

Tsuna was entirely convinced Mukuro only slept that way when people would see so he could freak them out.

His gaze drifted over to the windowsill. It was empty, but the jacket left behind, and the lingering cloud flames told him the owner was not far off.

He settled looking at the ceiling again. His flames were itching to stretch out, but Tsuna kept them close. The others would wake as soon as he let them run free.

The reality of his situation hit him then, and Tsuna felt his heart race as he realized he was in pajamas. 

Someone had changed him. 

Where was the pacifier?

It clearly wasn’t on him anymore, but it couldn’t be too far or else he’d be writhing in pain. Someone must have seen it, but who?

Before he could have a full-blown panic attack, Tsuna took a breath. It was fine, everything was fine. If somebody had seen, the atmosphere wouldn’t be so calm. 

With his emotions under control, Tsuna took inventory. He closed his eyes. He became hyper-aware of the feel of his pajamas settled against his skin and the way his IV was inserted into his arm. It was an overwhelming feeling, but Tsuna pushed it all aside. 

There.

Something was resting on his chest. 

He opened his eyes again and slowly reached for the thing he still couldn't see. 

The second his hand gripped it, the pacifier became visible to him. It was the same as he had last seen it, but now there were chains wrapped tightly around its surface. Hooked on one of the links was a small piece of paper that simply read ‘You’re welcome.’

The illusion supplied by the chains was more powerful than anything Tsuna had seen before. At least ten times better than the Mammon chains they had used in the future that never was. Only one person could be responsible.

Kawahira. 

Tsuna didn't know why the man had helped him. He had never shown himself to be interested in human affairs or anything else that didn't involve his precious pacifiers. He wouldn’t care about keeping Tsuna’s secret. 

Tsuna was grateful regardless of why Kawahira had done it, but he couldn’t help but feel that there was a price attached.

For now, though, he had no way of contacting the other to find out that price, so Tsuna set the pacifier down, watching as it immediately disappeared again, only a phantom weight to remind him of its presence. 

The hospital room began to brighten as the first rays of sunlight peeked through the window. It was almost time to face the music. Mentally, he ran over what he had told Reborn. He needed to get his story straight before everybody woke up. He had half of an idea in his mind about what he was going to say, but he needed to make sure he didn't contradict himself.

He didn't like actively planning to lie to his Guardians. It made him feel sick, but he had resolved that nobody would find out.

It was for their own good.

He let his flames loose slowly, carefully allowing them to stretch out across the room as they would if he was just waking up. Against him, Lambo twitched, subconsciously aware of what was going on. 

Hibari must have been awake sitting on the roof because he was the first one actively aware of Tsuna. Almost quicker than he could process, his cloud slid through the window, put on his jacket, and stared at Tsuna intensely. 

Tsuna gave him a half-smile. “Kyouya,” he murmured. “How long?”

“Three days.” The fact that his Guardian did not immediately rush to challenge him to a fight spoke volumes about how tired Tsuna knew he must look. Instead, after giving him one last look, Hibari sat on the windowsill and closed his eyes while they waited for the others to wake up so Tsuna could explain himself.

Mukuro was next. Tsuna was unsurprised as the mist was a very light sleeper. The state between asleep and awake happened in the blink of an eye for Mukuro. Tsuna watched as his mismatched eyes became focused and met his own. Mukuro’s hand twitched and a copy of himself appeared at Tsuna’s side. “You’ve caused quite a stir, Tsuna,” the copy said.

Tsuna hummed in acknowledgment. It was time to begin his plan. “We need to speak privately.”

Instantly, both Mukuro and Hibari straightened up. The real Mukuro’s lips thinned as the copy disappeared and he waved his hand again. Tsuna let the familiar mist flames take over.

He opened his eyes to see he was in a blank room. His vision was blurry and his legs felt unsteady beneath him, so he sat down on the ground that didn't technically exist. His weakness made sense, the pacifier had depleted his flames and Tsuna was currently a construct of them. 

Here in this fabricated mindscape Mukuro had created for them to speak without the chance of being overheard, Tsuna felt the bonds with his Guardians much more deeply than he did in the real world. He basked in the feeling, for a moment feeling nothing but absolute contentment.

Around him, his guardians all stood. With the exception of Mukuro and Hibari, they were all startled at the new location. Then, they noticed Tsuna.

“Tsuna!”

It was five voices speaking as one. So many emotions in a single word. Happiness, confusion, fear, worry. 

His storm kneeled beside him. His right-hand who knew what Tsuna needed at every moment, working as an extension of Tsuna. But also Hayato, who liked the piano and making up his own languages. Warm, fierce, loyal.

Tsuna blinked. In his current state, it was hard to not be lost in his bonds. 

“Tsuna?” Gokudera grabbed his hand, guiding Tsuna back to the present moment.

He looked at him. “Hayato.”

“Tsuna, what happened?”

Worry. Intense worry. Fear. Taking control. No time for fear. Tsuna, weak and injured. Protect, worry, defend.

“Tsuna.”

He was back in the room. He had lost himself again. Tsuna would have to be quick. He couldn't stay here long or else he was going to be separated from reality enough that he would be unable to find his way back to it.

“We need to clean house,” he said softly.

The reaction was immediate. His Guardians did not take kindly to the idea that there was a traitor. Vongola demanded loyalty. To betray this rule that was important above all others was unforgivable.

“There was a man,” Tsuna continued. “There had to be bugs because he knew too much. I had to see Talbot, but it wasn't safe.”

“Who was the man?”

Alarm, worry, panic. Swordsman, assassin. Stealthy blade of Vongola. Takeshi. Baseball and sushi. Calm, happy, loyal. 

There were voices. 

“He can’t stay here, or he’s going to get lost. We know enough for now.”

“We don’t know anything.”

Worry, confusion. The unpredictable upstart of Vongola. Lambo. Grape candy and time-travel. The youngest. Eager, ambitious, loyal.

“We know enough to clean house. After we make sure it’s safe, we can have this conversation in the office. He can’t be here.”

“I’m ending it.”

Worry, fear. The ruthless weapon. The spy. Mukuro. Illusions and card tricks. Mysterious-

They were back in the infirmary. Tsuna felt more grounded. The bonds were back in their muted states, easier to separate from himself. 

He had done it. Said his lie, mostly true but missing the most important parts. They’d look for bugs they would not find, and a man who was untouchable to all of them. The worst part was that they would believe him without question.

They were all looking at him. Fuuta and I-Pin had woken up, noticing that the Guardians had gone somewhere they couldn’t follow. They knew what that meant.

Against his side, Lambo spoke. “We’ll stay with him.”

They were uneasy to leave him, but even more worried about what he had said. 

“You all go,” Tsuna said. “I’m more myself here. You all have important things to do that I’m sure you’ve been neglecting. These three can keep me company.”

Hibari nodded and was gone through the window. To his Foundation, first to look for traitors, then to see where the alliances stood to find out who would dare to attack them.

“Keep him safe,” Gokudera said. He would be in charge of securing everything the traitor might be able to get his hands on. Papers, books, artifacts. Then, he’d be off to technology to help search for bugs. He’d contact Talbot and find out what Tsuna had been doing at his house.

Talbot would come up with something to say. He kept his promises.

Yamamoto gave them a wave, just as anxious about saying anything in case they had listeners. He would go to the Varia. Xanxus ran a tight ship, but they had seen their share of intruders before. 

Mukuro and Chrome were next. Mukuro would stay in the mansion, invisible as he searched out any staff who might be part of it. 

Chrome would go to the CEDEF. They would need to be shut down while security was tightened.

Ryohei would stay for now. Some bugs could only be found by physically searching for them. He’d start in the infirmary, the location of the Decimo, and then spread out slowly.

They were a well-oiled machine. Years and years of trust and cooperation meant that they knew what to do without being told. 

The guilt was eating at him. But it was for them that he was doing this, so he’d bear the burden happily.

“Tsuna-nii, we missed you,” I-pin said with her head on his chest. Closer to the pacifier than he was comfortable.

“I’m sorry I scared you all,” he said.

“Don't apologize, just don't do it again,” Fuuta said with a sigh like he knew he was asking for the impossible but figured he would ask anyways.

“I’ll try,” he said. 

Lambo grinned like Tsuna had given him the world. He was still laying across half of Tsuna’s torso, and it was more openness and affection than he usually showed when it wasn’t just the two of them. He had reached that age where being cool and unaffected at all times was priority number one, and showing affection for your father figure was absolutely not cool. 

I-Pin sighed as Tsuna rubbed her back in the way he had since she was six years old. She was fourteen now and had really come into her own. No longer was she the easily embarrassed little girl she used to be. Now, she had confidence in herself and her actions. She was a budding martial arts master and was, even at her age, the best chef in the Vongola inner circle.

Then there was Fuuta. He was as calm and collected at eighteen as he was at nine. After years of trial and error, he could control his ranking abilities to the point where he could go out into public without fear. He would be finishing his studies soon. He wasn’t sure what he’d do after, but that was okay. If the mafia hadn't been forced on Tsuna, he probably wouldn’t have had any idea about what he would do with himself either. As long as Fuuta knew he wasn't restricted to a life with Vongola, Tsuna was happy.

The three chatted at him, and Tsuna answered when he was asked questions.

“You should have seen it, Tsuna-nii. This place was crazy while you were sleeping,” Lambo said. “Everybody was crying and scared, and I was the only one who was being brave. If I were a sky, they probably would have offered me the Boss title in your place,” he bragged.

“Lambo, you liar,” I-Pin shouted.

“Yeah, I’m not so sure that’s what happened,” Fuuta said with a laugh.

“Did so,” Lambo said.

“Did not,” I-Pin retorted.

“Ah, I’m sure you were perfectly brave, Lambo.” Tsuna gave a little wink to I-Pin and Fuuta, who both laughed.

“I’m glad you can see the truth, Tsuna-nii.”

They were interrupted by the opening of the door. Tsuna felt Lambo and I-Pin tense. He calmed them with his flames.

It was a very stupid thing for anyone to enter the infirmary of someone in a bonded set without being approved and announced by the rest of the Guardians. Lives had been lost for less. Tsuna knew that Dr. Adriana Moretti was far from stupid, so someone must have told her she could come in. Probably Gokudera.

Dr. Moretti was a no-nonsense type of woman. Born and raised as a civilian, she had stumbled across the mafia while serving in the military. She was an active mist user, although not a very powerful one. Which Tsuna knew didn't matter to her as it did not impede her ability to be a good doctor.

“Decimo,” she greeted with a professional smile. “It’s good to see you awake.”

“I’m glad to be awake.”

“How are you feeling?” she asked as she checked his vitals.

“Tired, mostly.”

She nodded. “Your heart rate and blood pressure are both still higher than I’d like them to be, but other than that, nothing on the physical side is wrong with you. Flames?”

She grabbed the hand he held out and watched as he called a small flame to his palm. It left him out of breath. 

“Severely depleted still.” She frowned. “I would have expected them to bounce back by now, especially considering you’ve been asleep for three days.”

Tsuna had a good idea what was taking his flames so long to replenish.

“Nevertheless,” she continued, “they are coming back even if it’s a little slow. Which means that you’re on the mend. The only thing that you need is bed rest, and before you ask, I’d be okay with you in your own room instead of down here.”

Tsuna smiled at her gratefully. “Thank you for your diligence.”

“I’m only doing my job. Any questions?”

Tsuna raised his arm in question. “The IV?” he asked hopefully. He really did hate the thing.

“On the condition that you eat three meals a day and drink a lot of water.”

“Of course.”

Hearing these words, Fuuta stood up. “I’ll go get you breakfast,” he volunteered. He would take the doctor’s orders very seriously and would force-feed Tsuna if he had to.

“Good,” the doctor said, and she removed the IV, wrapping his arm in gauze. “Keep that on for a few hours and you’ll be good to go.”

“Thank you again, Doctor Moretti.”

“No thank-you’s are necessary, Decimo. If that’s all, I’ll take my leave. I’m sure you already know this, but I’ll say it anyway. Minimal flame use for the next few weeks, and no leaving your bed for extended periods of time over the same duration. If you start to feel any worse, please notify me.”

Tsuna agreed, and the doctor left. 

Fuuta returned with the food, and though Tsuna wasn’t particularly hungry, he ate everything given to him. 

He pulled back the covers on his bed and started to get out of it.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Tsuna-nii?” Fuuta asked, looking anxious.

“My legs are too stiff,” Tsuna complained.

“We should at least wait for Ryohei-nii,” I-Pin said.

“We won't even leave the room, I promise.”

That seemed to be enough assurance for them to let him stand. His vision blacked out for a second and it was a few more before the spots went away. His first step was unsteady, but by the second, he was already more confident in his footing.

The others hovered around him, watching for the first sign of weakness.

If this was how they were acting now, what would things look like in a year?

He had made the right decision. 

He was starting his second lap of the room when Ryohei returned. His face was grim, and in his hands was a cane. As a mafia boss, Tsuna had quite a collection of canes and walking sticks because apparently it was a part of the aesthetic, but he had never used one until now.

And of course, Ryohei would know he’d need it. His sun guardian was not primarily a medic, but he was still one of the best in Vongola.

“Tsuna!” Ryohei greeted. His voice was cheerful, but Tsuna could see the unease in his eyes. He was probably trying to protect the younger ones. Ryohei had never grown out of his big brother instincts.

“Ryohei, how was your trip?” Before this whole mess had started, Ryohei had been sent up north to oversee the construction of a new hideout.

After the future that never was, Tsuna had made it a priority to build new Vongola bases. He would not let the Family be so unprepared as they had been in that time.

“We had a good time!” What he meant was, Everything going according to plan. He handed the cane to Tsuna.

Immediately letting it take some of his weight, he sighed in relief. Ryohei’s hands rested on his shoulders and Tsuna felt his flames relieve a little bit of his exhaustion.

“We should get you in bed. You look tired to the extreme!”

Tsuna chuckled and didn't argue. 

So, Vongola Decimo and his entourage began the long journey to his bedroom. Lambo and I-Pin ran ahead, declaring that they would get his bed ready for him. Fuuta kept a few paces behind him, ready to catch him if he fell, and Ryohei stood by his side, letting their shoulders brush together every once in a while as a way of checking on his condition.

They stepped into the parlor, and Tsuna noticed the increase in security. Every entry point had at least one person stationed nearby. He waved at each one, sometimes stopping to talk if they looked particularly troubled by his appearance. They needed to know their boss was fine.

At the front door, he saw Marco. The shadows under his eyes were dark enough that they looked like make-up. He had been the last person to see Tsuna before his disappearing act, so without a doubt, he’d been questioned relentlessly. Tsuna frowned. He hadn't meant to cause the man trouble. He'd make sure to give him a bonus in the very near future.

In the meantime, Tsuna walked over and said hello. Marco looked relieved to see him up and about. Their talk was short as Tsuna was really running out of steam, but he promised to continue their conversation soon.

The staircase was the biggest obstacle in his way, and halfway up, he had to sit down and take a break.

“Are you sure you don’t want someone to carry you?” Fuuta asked for the third time.

“I just need a minute to catch my breath and then we can be on our way.” It was frustrating how shaky his voice was, how weak he felt.

The weight on his chest grew heavier as a reminder.

He felt the eyes watching him almost immediately. Reborn was lurking in the doorway to the dining room. His face was blank, eyes shadowed by the brim of his fedora.

Tsuna really needed to fix that. The last time Tsuna hadn’t told Reborn something important, he’d been fifteen and embarrassed about breaking Lambo’s Ten-Year-Bazooka and causing it to majorly malfunction. Since then, the concept of secrets between them was nonexistent. Reborn had proven time and time again that Tsuna could trust him, and eventually, Tsuna had proven the same. 

Until four days ago.

The damage wasn't irreparable, but the fact that there was damage at all didn't sit well with him.

Tsuna grabbed the railing of the steps. He’d fix everything he’d done wrong, but first, he had to be in good enough condition to do it.

He heaved himself up and continued on his way up the stairs. After that, it was a short walk down the hall and through a door before they were in the guardian’s wing.

True to their word, Lambo and I-Pin had ‘prepared’ his bed. Which really only meant they threw all of the decorative pillows on the ground and pulled the sheets back. He thanked them anyway.  
He climbed into bed and looked around. The dresser had been reorganized, but the burn marks on the desk were still in full view. 

“When the others return,” he began, turning to look at Ryohei, “we need to finish our earlier discussion.”

Ryohei nodded once. He threw his arms around Lambo and I-Pin. “We should let Tsuna get his extreme sleep!” he said cheerfully.

“I wanna stay with Tsuna-nii!” Lambo protested.

“Lambo, Tsuna needs to rest,” Fuuta said as he gently nudged the pouting teenager towards the door.

“I won't bother him!”

“Lambo, have you finished your homework for the week?” Tsuna knew the answer would be no because it was always no, and he was proven right when Lambo grinned at him sheepishly. “Why don't you go get that finished and then you can come back when the others get here?”

“Homework is stupid and pointless.”

It felt a little hypocritical of Tsuna to argue that point considering he had said the exact same things when he still had homework. In fact, he still said those things in reference to his paperwork. “Yes, but it still needs to be done.”

It was with great reluctance that Lambo agreed to go, and then Tsuna was alone.

His eyelids were so heavy that keeping them open was an impossibility. He’d rest them for just a moment before his guardian’s returned.

He opened his eyes and knew that he was dreaming. 

_He was in the hallway outside of his office. Nearby, there was the shattering of glass._

_He was in his childhood home. A woman’s scream._

_The countryside surrounding the mansion. A fire in the distance._

_An empty field. It’s going to rain._

“Tsuna.”

He was back in his room.

His Guardians were with him again. He could still feel their worry, but the edge had dulled.

He struggled for a moment to sit up against his headboard. He stared at their faces, doing his customary check for injuries. He didn't find any. “Everyone,” he greeted with as much warmth and sincerity he could muster. But they would not settle until the matter at hand was over, so he asked, “What have you found?”

Gokudera went first. “Nothing’s missing, but we found five bugs around the offices, and Ryohei found two more.” He nodded over to the sun who confirmed it. “Two in Tsuna’s, and one in mine, Takeshi’s, Chrome’s, Mukuro’s, and Ryohei’s respectively.”

Tsuna tried not to look surprised. He had been the one to suggest there were bugs, but he hadn’t thought they’d find anything. “Was there anything on them?” he asked.

“Nothing. Whoever it was, they got what they wanted and wiped everything clean. I’ve got Irie working on it, but he said that it’s not likely that he’s going to find anything.”

Tsuna nodded, but his blood ran cold. Was there another spy ring he had accidentally stumbled upon? What if they had found out about the pacifier? They could ruin Vongola with information like that. “Chrome?” he asked.

“Another seven bugs at CEDEF matching the ones found here. They were removed and I started shut down procedures. They’ll be offline by now.”

What was going on? “Takeshi?”

“Another seven in Varia. Xanxus sure was angry about that one,” he said lightly, but his eyes were dark. “They’ve gone on lockdown.”

“Kyouya?”

“My Foundation’s clean.” Tsuna could feel the smugness radiating off of him.

“Mukuro?”

“The staff are clean. The traitor is an outsider.”

So that meant seven bugs in each of the three largest Vongola operations. Twenty-one in total.

The tri-ni-sette.

It had to be Kawahira. It was exactly the sort of thing he would find funny. 

But why had he done it? Tsuna needed to talk to him immediately.

“Tsuna, what happened?” It was Gokudera again. 

They were all watching him. They’d believe anything he said. He didn't want to lie to them.

He couldn't tell the truth.

“A man. He was in my office. No, he was in the bedroom because he was sitting at my desk. He had something with him and I was so cold because he took my flames.” He didn't recognize the words that were coming out of his mouth, but the more Tsuna said, the more real the scene became. So real that he was having problems remembering what had actually happened.

What was happening?

“He said something. He wanted me to die. No, he wanted something else but I would end up dead. I refused, so he took my flames.” Tsuna grabbed his head with both hands as the words that weren’t his kept coming, and he was powerless to stop it. “He was short. No, he was tall. Taller than me. His hair was dark. No, it was light, but it looked dark.” The more he tried to picture Kawahira’s face, the less he could, and his name was fading from his memory. Didn't it start with a K?

“Something’s wrong,” he choked out. “He did something to me.”

Who was it? Why couldn’t he remember?

He heard them arguing as he desperately tried to grab on to the wisps of that name he knew was so important.

Two familiar hands pulled his hands out of his hair and took their place. “Tsuna, stop trying to remember. Think about something else.”

Something else? How could he think about something else? 

The hands tilted his face up until he was staring into mismatched eyes. “Decimo, we are in danger.”

Tsuna’s thoughts froze. Danger? 

It suddenly all came back to him.

The meeting.

Kawahira.

The pacifier hanging around his neck.

“What happened?” 

Mukuro did not take his hands away as he searched Tsuna’s face. “You were right. He’s done something, and we need to know what it is.” 

Tsuna nodded immediately, and within seconds, the background faded away.

Mukuro was waiting for him to find his bearings. Instinctively, Tsuna reached for their bond, but he felt nothing. He shivered.

It was so cold. 

An arm steadied him. “Do not go looking for it,” Mukuro warned. 

Tsuna didn't. He knew it was a bad idea, and no matter how wrong it felt, he could not try and reach out. Instead, he used Mukuro’s arm to straighten himself up. 

They were surrounded by his memories. Gentle wisps shot out in all directions against the black canvas of his mind. Fragments of scenes and words played around them in a cacophony of sound. 

“Lead the way,” Mukuro said.

Slowly, they made their way into the chaos. Wisps parted easily when they approached, but their minds were still assaulted by colors and pieces.

Soon, Tsuna looked up. Among hundreds of others, a single memory called to him. He reached out his hand, and it flew into his outreached palm. He tossed it up, and it expanded until it became a nearly transparent screen in front of them. 

They were looking into Tsuna’s bedroom through his eyes. The door opened, and a man walked through.

For a fraction of a second, his hair was blond. It shifted to black, brown, silver, blue, green, and every other color nearly simultaneously. He was tall and then short. He was wearing a suit jacket before it became a vest.

The man approached the desk and opened his mouth.

“...give”

“Take…”

“I need you alive….”

“I’m going to kill you.”

Tsuna’s head was pounding as a hundred different conversations fought to take place at the same time. When he could stand it no longer, he waved his hand. The memory became a wisp once again and floated off.

Mukuro, who had been watching with a furrowed brow, turned to look at him. “Do you know how easy it is to replace memories with whatever it is that I want someone to remember?”

“I’ll admit, it’s not my area of expertise,” Tsuna replied, aiming for light-hearted, and only sounding exhausted and confused.

“I can do it in a second. People are gullible and their minds are weak. False memories cannot be distinguished from those that are true. But this…..” he paused for a second. “This is not just a false memory. Whoever has done this has given you every possible recollection of that night. A thousand different versions and you believe all of them.”

Tsuna noted that his tone had shifted. Reverence and awe for an impressive feat that could only ever be appreciated by the few mist users who were talented enough to understand.

But also fear for an unknown enemy who was powerful enough to do it. 

“I could change it. I can make you believe whatever version I want, but I cannot give you the truth. It would be easy to unravel the layers one by one, but there is no real account lying at the bottom. Whatever the original memory looked like, it no longer exists here. My apologies, Tsuna.”

Tsuna wasn’t surprised. He hadn't really thought that this excursion would lead to anything, but it had to be done for their sake. “Then I suppose we’re done here.”

Mukuro didn't reply. Instead, Tsuna felt the warmth of his bond return to him before they were once again in Tsuna’s bedroom.

Tsuna leaned back as Mukuro explained what they had found. What happened now? How could he expect them to just return to normal as if nothing had happened? Where was he supposed to lead this wild goose chase now?

He needed to speak to Kawahira.

He threw the covers off of him and stood up. This time, things went much better. His few hours of sleep had done him some good.

“Think you’re going somewhere?” Gokudera asked him with an unimpressed look. 

Tsuna picked up the cane that had been leaning against his night table. “We have business to take care of.”

“Yes, we do. You, however, are not leaving this room.”

“I need to speak with Nono.” Tsuna remained calm as he began to walk towards his closet. He lifted a foot and found it stuck to the ground. 

He looked to Hibari, who was lounging in a chair as nonchalant as could be. The cloud raised an eyebrow, daring Tsuna to do something about it.

“The Ninth can wait,” Gokudera said. “You are unwell, so I suggest you get back in that bed.”

Tsuna almost agreed without a thought, but he stopped himself before he could say anything. He shook off the rain flames that were trying to wrap around him like a blanket. “This cannot wait,” he said instead.

It was Chrome’s turn to try next. “Tsuna, maybe you should just rest for a little longer. You don’t look good.”

Her words filled with such genuine concern were even more effective than her attempts to hide his wardrobe from him. “I won’t be long,” he said. He reached out for an invisible drawer he knew was there.

Ryohei’s hands grabbed the undershirt from him while simultaneously trying to steer him back towards the bed.

Tsuna snapped.

“Stop it!” He yanked the shirt back and his sun was too startled to fight him for it. “Stop coddling me. I’m going to get dressed and go see Nono, and I will not be getting back in the damn bed. If I collapse on the way, then so be it.” The shirt was clenched between his fingers. It would be too wrinkled to wear now.

“Shut up!” Tsuna looked over at Lambo’s outburst. The air around him crackled with electricity. “You almost died!” the boy yelled once he saw that he had Tsuna’s attention. “And you’re just gonna act like it’s no big deal? You...you asshole!” He was breathing heavily. Tears spilled down his cheeks. 

Tsuna had made him cry. He took a breath and the anger dissolved immediately. What was wrong with him?

“Lambo, sweetheart.” Tsuna stepped forward and hugged him to his chest. His heart broke a little when Lambo tried to push him away between his sobs. “Hush now.” Lambo’s hair wasn’t as wild as it had been when he was younger, so Tsuna was able to run his fingers through it gently.

Lambo let out another heaving sob. “I don’t want you to die.”

“I know. I’m here,” Tsuna soothed. He rocked Lambo back and forth until his breathing had calmed back down. “There,” he said, pulling Lambo’s face from his shirt. He used his thumbs to catch the last few tears. “You’ll want clear eyes to watch me admit how much of a jerk I’m being because I don’t plan on letting it happen again anytime soon.”

Lambo sniffed, but it turned into a small laugh about halfway through. “Idiot,” he murmured without any true heat.

“I humbly accept the title. A great big old idiot who needs to learn how to listen.” He looked up to the rest of the room. The others had given them their space, but they had not gone far. “I’m sorry I worried you all and then tried to act on my own without taking your feelings into consideration. After almost ten years I should know how to have a discussion without resorting to insults and closing my ears. You are all that I treasure the most in this world, and if any of you were as sick as I have been, I would have acted no differently than you have done. Forgive me.”

Tsuna felt their forgiveness before he saw it. Instantaneous and all-encompassing, it was warm and nearly overwhelming, but he was more in control of himself and let it fill his senses for only a second before pushing it back. Lambo still clung on to him and the others’ stern looks had softened to a familiar fondness. 

Their problems would not be solved just like that, but their willingness to forgive showed him their trust that they would get there.

They needed to plan their next steps. He would need to say things that they wouldn’t want to hear. He’d have to convince them to let the hunt go because there would never be another person at the end of it.

But, for tonight, Tsuna felt like he had done enough damage.

“I suppose,” he began, “that since it looks like I won’t be going anywhere tonight, we’re having a slumber party?”

The surprise drifted across the room before they caught on, and then their reactions ranged from excited to immediately searching for an escape route. They were absolutely playing into it, but he knew they would stop the interrogation for now. They needed a night of the usual brand of chaos before things headed towards the murky beyond.

It was decided by popular demand that they would play the infamous game of Monopoly that had been running for three years and had almost caused the destruction of Vongola on multiple occasions. Ryohei and Lambo helped Tsuna back to bed as Gokudera went to fetch the board from its high-security vault.

As he sat back down, the creeping hand of anxiety grabbed Tsuna by the throat and threatened to drag him into despair. Every second he didn't spend trying to get rid of the pacifier was a second closer towards his death. He was wasting time.

But then Yamamoto laughed as Mukuro tried to slip a few obnoxiously orange 500 dollar bills into his hands and Hibari threatened to tear the game into pieces if he caught another single instance of cheating. 

Tsuna shoved his distress deep into his consciousness. He wasn’t wasting time. This was for them.

And for them, he’d do anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that thing where you have about 50 works in progress and then you totally forget which ones you've actually posted somewhere. Because same.   
> Anyway, thanks for reading the ongoing angst fest! Let me know what you think.


	3. Figure Out the State of Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsuna talks to an old man, another old man, a much older old man, and then Reborn.

There was a singular moment after waking up where Tsuna felt calm. Barely conscious, he was content to float in total darkness where his problems couldn’t find him.

Then, the moment ended and all of his problems broke through whatever barrier had kept them away and Tsuna’s peace came crashing down around him.

He opened his eyes with a sigh.

The light peeked through his curtains, bathing his bedroom in a warm orange hue. It was early. His body didn't feel quite as exhausted as it had the day previously. The pacifier must have found some sort of equilibrium.

Without a thought, Tsuna reached for the object sitting on his chest. He frowned. He had been too out of it to notice before, but he could feel his own flames swirling around aimlessly within. They weren’t alone, either. He couldn’t recognize most of them, but one warmed his fingertips as if they were greeting him.

Aria.

He had never met her, but her flames were so similar to Yuni’s that he recognized them immediately. 

Aria had quickly become one of his greatest regrets. Her death had been needless.

If she hadn’t given up her right to compete in the Representative Battles, she would still be alive. Yuni would have a mother.

Aria had sacrificed herself to protect a version of her daughter that would never exist because of Tsuna’s decision.

Aria’s flames grew hotter before they moved on, replaced by something different, though still familiar.

Less warm, more energetic.

“Luce,” he whispered.

Tsuna didn't know how he felt about Luce. If she were alive, he didn't think that they would’ve gotten along. 

The woman who had sacrificed herself and her daughter willingly because she believed in fate so strongly.

Was it bravery or cowardice?

Whatever it was, Tsuna couldn’t accept it.

But it was easier to think better of the dead than it was of the living. The dead sat happily in their best memories while the living were still around to betray and disappoint. 

In Tsuna’s opinion, Luce’s best memories were not those in which she was the Sky Arcobaleno, but instead the ones where she was Reborn’s Sky.

She had never truly been his Sky with all that it entailed, but that had never been because Reborn was unwilling. It was Luce who had hesitated. Whether it was because she had already found a Sun or if she felt guilty about what she knew was going to happen, Tsuna didn't know.

What truly mattered, however, was that in some capacity, Reborn loved her, and Tsuna would never be able to hate something Reborn loved.

Luce’s flames darted away from his touch, and Tsuna was left to stare at his ceiling. The weight of knowing that his death was slowly approaching settled heavily in his chest.

Was this feeling of hopeless acceptance better than the crippling anxiety that had overwhelmed him before? 

He wasn’t sure.

His limbs felt heavy as he forced his arm to grab his phone from his nightstand. There were no new messages, so he scrolled through his contact list until he found the person he needed to talk to.

“Decimo,” Talbot greeted him.

“Talbot,” he murmured. “Hayato has contacted you, I’m sure?”

“Of course, I got quite the scolding for not informing him of your whereabouts as soon as you appeared on my doorstep,” he said, not without humor.

Tsuna felt a twinge of sympathy. Hayato’s lectures were nearly as dangerous as his explosives. “What did you tell him?”

“The truth, mostly. I was enjoying some peace and quiet when the Decimo showed up on my doorstep, exhausted and completely out of it. I couldn’t get much out of him before he passed out.”

Tsuna relaxed a little. Talbot was a man of his word, but hearing for himself that he had not told anyone what had really happened was a relief. “Thank you.”

Talbot huffed. “Well, you know my opinion on the matter. Are you absolutely sure that you wish to keep this a secret?”

“Yes.” There was no going back now.

“Very well, I know when my advice is going to be ignored. Although, the fact that you’ve managed to keep the secret this long is nothing short of a miracle.”

Tsuna had forgotten that Talbot hadn’t seen the new chains. He described what had happened in the past two days.

“I don’t claim to know the man, but from everything I’ve heard, that does seem to be Kawahira’s doing,” Talbot said.

“I need to speak with him again,” Tsuna said, more to himself than to Talbot.

“Do you know where he is?”

“I don’t imagine he will be hard to find. Subtlety does not seem to be his goal these days.”

“Well, if you’re sure then I agree that it is a good idea. Do you mind if I send you some questions to ask the man? It would be useful if we could get some answers from him rather than needing to figure everything out for ourselves. Beyond that, we need to make an excuse for you to be here on a fairly regular basis so we can work on saving your life.”

Tsuna was tempted to tell him to forget it. Tsuna would spend his last year with his loved ones and then die. “Okay,” he said, knowing that giving up wasn’t an option. “Next week we’ll announce that you’re working on new box weapons and that you’ll need my help with them.”

“That might work, though a year is quite a long time to be working on such a project without results.”

“It’ll be a very complex project,” Tsuna said drily.

Talbot would’ve laughed any other time. “Are you alright?” he asked instead.

“I’m dying, Talbot.” The apathy that he had woken up with lost a little of its power. It hurt to say those words, and he could feel his eyes begin to sting. “I don’t want to die,” he admitted quietly.

“You aren’t going to die,” Talbot said vehemently. “We can fix this, and you’ll get to grow as old as I am.”

“Okay,” he said, not believing it, but desperately wanting to.

“We can do this, so don’t give up on me yet. We found a solution once, and we can do it again.”

Tsuna had been right to tell Talbot. He couldn’t do this alone. “Thank you.”

“Just get yourself over here soon so we can start working this out.”

Tsuna made a noise that was close enough to an agreement. 

“Take care, Decimo,” Talbot said.

After he hung up, Tsuna meditated as he sometimes did, trying to rid himself of the urge to start crying uncontrollably as well as the indifference that left everything muted. If he walked out of his room with either still clinging onto him, he would worry everyone more than he already had. Unfortunately, soothing those two emotions left room for the anxiety to make itself known, and soon his chest was tight with dread.

He was a mess of a person.

Eventually, when the clock chimed to let him know that it was an acceptable hour, he gave up trying and got dressed. His legs were still a bit shaky, but as long as he had his cane, he could get around without too many problems.

Takeshi and Ryohei were at the breakfast table. They both ran together at an unnecessarily early hour, so it was no surprise that they were awake. “Good morning,” he greeted.

“Tsuna! We didn't know you’d be here,” Takeshi said with surprise. 

He felt both rain and sun flames poke around, trying to determine how he was doing.

Tsuna let them. “I feel better today,” he said, sitting at the table.

“That’s good!” Ryohei said. His eyes still hadn’t left Tsuna.

“How was your run?” he asked them.

“It was good! It’s a nice day out,” Takeshi said.

Tsuna nodded to show he was listening.

He knew it was coming, so it didn't surprise him when the two shared a glance and Takeshi started to speak. “Tsuna…”

Tsuna held up a hand. “I know that I have some explaining to do, but it will have to wait until we are all together.”

They nodded easily, but breakfast was quiet.

Ten minutes later, Hayato arrived. He would likely be the last to do so. The only other person who woke up so early was Kyouya, but he never ate with them in the mornings, claiming that he needed to start his days with peace otherwise he would kill them all by noon.

It was understandable.

“Tsuna!” Hayato said when he saw him, sounding both relieved and angry at the same time. “Why are you out of bed?”

Tsuna calmly spread jam over a piece of toast. “Good morning, Hayato. I feel better today.”

The fact that Tsuna had made it down the staircase without major incident probably spared him from the majority of protest. “Did Dr. Moretti clear you from bed rest?” Hayato asked even though he very well knew that she hadn’t.

“She said to take it easy.”

“So you’re just running around doing whatever you want, then?”

Tsuna pointedly looked at his toast. “I am eating breakfast.”

“Which you could’ve had in bed.”

Tsuna sighed. “I might have gone about it the wrong way yesterday, but I was not wrong when I said that there were things that needed to be done. If I agree to rest as soon as I feel even the slightest bit unwell, will you agree to let me do what I have to?”

Hayato wasn’t unreasonable, just worried, and Tsuna knew that. “The second you even breathe wrong and I’m locking you in your room,” Hayato said.

“Of course.”

And that was that.

Tsuna pushed his plate away, and Hayato gave him a look that meant he wasn’t pleased that it was still half full. “I assume that Nono is still using my office?” It wasn’t a question.

“He is,” Hayato said. His eyes flashed with something resembling annoyance.

Tsuna nodded. “After breakfast, then, we can go visit.” 

All three nodded at him. 

It was hardly another five minutes before the plates were cleared away and the group of four stood.

Ryohei wouldn’t be joining them, and he understood that without Tsuna having to say it. In terms of priority, Hayato and Takeshi took the top spots, and for Tsuna to bring a third Guardian to meet the old man was practically a declaration of a coup even if the office they would theoretically be taking was the one that belonged to Tsuna already.

They said their goodbyes to his Sun before walking towards Tsuna’s office, Hayato standing to his right and Takeshi to his left.

Tsuna smiled at Mario, who was sitting outside the office. “Mario, it is nice to see you again.”

The man’s face practically lit up. “Decimo, it is good to see you in such health.”

“I just needed a night’s rest. Tell me, is Nono in?” Tsuna asked.

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Would you mind holding my cane for me?” Tsuna couldn’t afford such a sign of weakness in front of Timoteo.

“Of course.”

Hayato grabbed his elbow to steady him as Tsuna handed the stick over. His legs shook a little, but he was steady enough. He patted his Storm’s hand to let him know that he could let go.

Tsuna knocked on the door twice as a courtesy before entering the office. 

Timoteo had changed things. Tsuna’s organization system was by no means the best, but he kept his things the way he liked them. Now, however, it was easy to see that everything had been put back the way it was the day Tsuna had moved in.

It irritated him, and he could feel his Guardians bristle at the slight.

Truthfully, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Technically speaking, while Tsuna had been missing, Timoteo was the acting Vongola Boss, so he could arrange the office however he liked.

It was just incredibly rude to do so. It was even worse that he hadn't put things back when it was confirmed that Tsuna was alive.

But, like most mafia traditions, Tsuna thought it was a bit ridiculous to be upset over such things, and if that was all Timoteo had done, Tsuna would let it go without a second thought. The problem was, it was not the only thing because it never was.

As a person, Tsuna liked Timoteo well enough. When he’d been younger, he’d called the man grandfather, and while that no longer matched his sentiments, Tsuna still had a distant sort of fondness for him.

However, Tsuna had met Timoteo when he had been a naive, stupid, civilian child who was in way over his head. That wasn’t what Tsuna was anymore, but it was still what Timoteo saw.

He did not know how to let go.

As Tsuna grew older and began taking on more responsibilities, Timoteo began to resist. Just a little bit. Questioning Tsuna’s decisions or contradicting something that Tsuna had done. 

It wasn’t enough to make others question whether or not he had changed his mind about making Tsuna Decimo, and Tsuna didn't think the old man actually wanted him gone. He just wanted to see how much he could get away with.

When Tsuna officially took the title of Decimo, most of the incidents stopped, and he had thought that had been the end of it. However, there had been two times since where Timoteo was asked to step in temporarily, and he had gone right back to his old tricks and then some.

He pushed the boundaries of what was allowed, gave himself powers he explicitly did not have. He stepped back easily enough once he was caught, but he’d start doing it again the second nobody was watching. He just couldn’t completely give up the power that being a boss had given him no matter how much he said he didn't want the title.

There was a reason that most bosses did not take the mantle until their predecessors were dead. 

So, when Tsuna stepped into the office and saw all of the things rearranged, he wasn’t surprised at all.

“Nono,” he greeted. 

The man was sitting at Tsuna’s desk, a genial smile on his face. Behind him were Coyote and Ganache, staring the three of them down as if they were the intruders. “Tsuna, my boy,” Timoteo said. “Please, sit down, you must be exhausted.” He gestured at the chairs in front of the desk.

Tsuna would not sit at his desk as if he were the one who was visiting. Instead, he walked over to the window and looked down at the grounds that sprawled out before him. “I’m feeling much better, actually,” he said.

“Glad to hear it.”

Tsuna turned around to look at Timoteo. “I must thank you for stepping in while I was gone. I hope things have not been too hectic?” It was time to see what Timoteo would admit to and what Tsuna would have to find out on his own later.

“Oh, nothing much. Once you were found, it was practically empty around here.”

Tsuna didn't believe him. “Have you heard anything from our allies?”

“Oh, only the usual. Of course, there were inquiries about your health. Word has gotten out that you were injured, but nobody has any idea about what happened.”

He was asking for an explanation, but while Tsuna owed one of those to many people in his life, Timoteo wasn’t amongst them. “Is that all?” he asked instead.

There was a glint in the man’s eyes. He had been caught and he knew it. “There was the Ricci Family. They sent an alliance proposal.”

The Ricci Family had sent an alliance proposal four times, and Tsuna had denied them every time. They didn't meet Tsuna’s standards and had given no signs that they would shape up. Timoteo knew this.

“You accepted?” Tsuna asked because Timoteo wouldn’t be so reluctant to share if he had done something that Tsuna would approve of.

“I told them that I would give them a chance.”

Tsuna raised an eyebrow. “That was not your chance to give, Nono. You should have told Hayato immediately; it is his territory, and he was not the one incapacitated.”

Coyote gave him the glare that Tsuna had been on the receiving end of for a decade. “Be careful with your tone, Decimo,” he warned.

If they were fourteen, Hayato would have ripped the man apart for saying that. As it was, he still looked ready for a fight. He twisted the ring that sat on his finger as a warning, and not a very subtle one.

Takeshi was calmer, but no less on edge. He quietly removed his hands from his pocket, a dead-eyed smile on his face.

Tsuna didn't want a fight. It would ruin the furniture.

Timoteo, it seemed, shared his opinion. “Now, now, there’s no need for all of that. I suppose I might have overstepped a little. I am simply unused to the way you do things around here. Old dogs and new tricks, right?” He laughed genially.

Tsuna didn't need his intuition to recognize that Timoteo knew exactly what he was doing when he had accepted that alliance. Vongola would look rash if they backed out of an agreement they had just made. 

It was a good thing that Tsuna didn't much care what the Ricci Family or their allies thought of Vongola.

“A simple misunderstanding,” Tsuna said.

“Yes, yes. Now, are you sure you’re ready to come back to work so soon? I would not mind if you wanted to wait a few more days.”

Tsuna wanted to laugh. As if. “I really am feeling much better now, but I thank you for the concern.”

Timoteo lifted his hands in surrender. “Of course. We’ll leave you to it, but don’t hesitate to call if you change your mind.”

Tsuna shook Timoteo’s hand as the man stood up to leave. His grip was strong for his age, and his flames flared against Tsuna’s palm. 

A friendly goodbye or a warning?

Most likely both.

Coyote and Ganache gave Tsuna their customary ‘see you later’ glare, and then the trio was gone.

“My God, he’s so frustrating,” Hayato said as soon as the door clicked shut.

Tsuna let out a small laugh. “He’s mostly harmless. Besides, he’ll be in the Bahamas within the month and then he’ll be out of our hair.”

Hayato snorted. “What I wouldn’t give to launch his ass there in a cannon.”

Takeshi laughed and threw his arm around Hayato’s shoulders. “Coyote’s glare after that one would probably kill you.”

“He’s going first. If I hear one more ‘watch your mouth, young man,’ I’m going to rip my hair out.”

“I don’t think you could pull off bald,” Tsuna said.

Hayato rolled his eyes, but he straightened up, seeming to remember what they were doing. “You,” he pointed at Tsuna, “sit down and we’ll fix whatever he’s got all messed up.”

“I hardly think that moving chairs is going to do me in,” Tsuna said.

“Sit.”

So Tsuna sat as Hayato and Takeshi moved everything back to where it should be. Tsuna took the time to go through his paperwork, occasionally throwing out something that had been signed by Timoteo. Nothing was particularly dangerous, so Tsuna decided that his first scolding would not need a repeat performance.

“Hayato,” Tsuna said. “You’re going to have to speak with the Ricci Family. This alliance business should be kept quiet.”

Hayato grimaced. “You think they’ll keep it to themselves?”

“No, but if you can’t convince them, then I’ll send Kyouya and let him try.”

Takeshi raised his eyebrows. “Is that really necessary? It’s not like the Ricci can do much damage.”

“It’s the principle of the thing. Timoteo wants to cause me problems, so I want them fixed before he can get any joy out of it.”

The three shared a grin.

“In that case, I’ll leave today,” Hayato said.

“And I’ll hang out here with Tsuna,” Takeshi said, smile tightening ever so slightly.

So they were going to acknowledge the tension that had been coiled around their shoulders since breakfast. Tsuna wasn’t sure if they’d bring it up or not.

They were scared to leave him alone. He didn't blame them for it, but he needed them gone at least for a few hours.

“Actually, Takeshi, I need you to go speak with Squalo about those bugs he found in the compound. We need to know more about whoever sent them, so I’m hoping he noticed something new.”

They tensed even more.

“Tsuna,” Hayato said. “Don’t do this. If they find something, they’ll let us know

Tsuna thought about petulantly insisting that he wasn’t doing anything, but he decided that it wasn’t worth the argument. It wasn’t immediately urgent no matter how much his mind was screaming at him that it was. His Guardians would come first and he’d figure out the rest later. “Of course.”

So Hayato left and Takeshi stayed. Tsuna started on his paperwork, but it wasn’t long before he was watching from the corner of his eye as his rain began to fidget. Takeshi had never been one who liked sitting still. 

Tsuna had an idea. “Takeshi,” Tsuna murmured as he finished reading the page he was on. “You do not have to stay.”

“It’s no big deal,” Takeshi said with a grin. 

Tsuna knew he meant it, but it also didn't change the fact that he was practically bouncing out of his seat. “You could patrol,” he offered, careful not to push too much. “You can stay nearby, and I’ll just sit here and do paperwork.”

He could see immediately that Takeshi liked the idea, so he pushed just a little more. “You wouldn’t be gone long, just enough to stretch your legs.”

Takeshi looked at him like he knew exactly what Tsuna was doing, but he also looked like he was weighing his options. Finally, he said, “Ten minutes.”

Tsuna smiled. “I’ll see you soon.”

Takeshi shut the door behind him and Tsuna felt his heart racing. “Kawahira, we need to talk.” 

Tsuna wasn’t exactly sure that it would work, but he had a good idea that it might. And sure enough, one moment the chair across from him was empty, and the next saw it occupied with the man in question.

“Tsunayoshi,” he greeted, looking entirely relaxed. “I’ve been expecting your call.”

“I can imagine. You’ve been very busy.”

“I suppose you want an explanation of my actions, then?”

“As much as you can tell me in ten minutes. I haven’t got the time for much more at the moment.”

Kawahira smiled at him the way one smiled at a dog when it did something particularly amusing. “Well, I wouldn’t quite say that.”

Tsuna’s eyes immediately went to the clock.

The second hand wasn’t moving.

“Then I suppose that I have plenty of time for the full story. What are you doing, Kawahira?” It wasn’t quite a demand, but it was not as respectful as he should’ve been when confronting someone who could stop time.

Kawahira narrowed his eyes, but he let it go. “I’ve done quite a few things lately. Take your pick.”

“My memories. Why have you changed them?” he asked immediately.

“You didn't want anybody finding out about what happened, correct? Can you not simply be grateful for my good deed?”

“Not without knowing its price.”

He tilted his head in consideration. “You know, not many people are willing to question my motivations. I could kill you where you stand with hardly a thought.”

“You need me alive,” Tsuna countered. “At least as long as it takes for the pacifier to kill me.”

“You presume too much, Little Decimo. I do not need you at all, you are simply the most convenient option.” When Tsuna didn't back down, Kawahira sighed as though Tsuna was asking too much of him. “And so stubborn. My reasons are simple; I do not particularly want to be hunted down by Vongola for the next year. It would be...annoying.”

‘Lie,’ his mind whispered. “But there’s more to it than that.”

“Ah, Vongola Intuition. Very well. The truth, if you must know, is that I cannot help but feel guilty.” He said the word guilty as though it were foreign to him. As if it had never before left his mouth.

Tsuna wasn’t surprised that it hadn’t. “Guilty?” he asked.

“Perhaps that isn’t the right word, but either way, I have to acknowledge that you got farther than I ever expected you to. The jars were a good idea, as I have said, and I...appreciate the ingenuity. So, I offer you my assistance in keeping this secret.”

“I’d rather have your help with resealing the pacifier.”

Kawahira’s face immediately went blank. “No. I have been very lenient with you for messing with the order of the universe, but I will not participate in such a thing. Do not ask again.”

Tsuna back down easily enough. He hadn't thought it would work, but he had to try anyway. “Very well, I accept what help you’re willing to give. However, in messing with my memories, you’ve created a powerful enemy that does not exist.”

“Then we simply must create them.”

Tsuna wondered how trivial all of this must be the man who could create whatever he wanted with a wave of a hand. For days Tsuna had been worried about how he was going to get by undetected, but here Kawahira was, proposing a solution as though it were the easiest thing in the world. “I assume you have ideas?”

A map appeared on top of Tsuna’s desk without Kawahira ever having moved a muscle.

“The Giglio Nero?” he asked as he looked at the layout of the mansion in front of him.

“The best way to avoid suspicion is to throw the spotlight somewhere else,” Kawahira said.

“You’re making this about the tr-ni-sette. I would hardly call that throwing the spotlight somewhere else.”

“You would be surprised. If we make this about the Mare Rings, then nobody will ever think about the pacifiers.”

Tsuna nodded slowly. “Alright, so we pretend somebody’s discovered that the Mare Rings are hidden with the Giglio Nero. This person then breaks into Vongola, knowing that we are Gigio Nero’s closest ally, looking for anything which might help them. They don’t find anything, so then what?”

“Then, I give Byakuran a vision. I do not doubt that he’s been looking in other timelines once he heard that you had been hurt, so I will let him stumble on one where this faceless enemy manages to kill you and find information about the Mare Rings.”

Tsuna closed his eyes. It could work, and he hated how easy it would be. Once Byakuran saw that the rings were the goal, he would come to Tsuna. They would talk and decide that Yuni was in danger. All of the attention would leave Tsuna.

Even Reborn’s.

Yuni, who reminded Reborn so much of Luce, would be put under lockdown. Reborn would go to her without a second thought. 

How simple it was to manipulate his loved ones.

Tsuna was going to be sick.

He took a deep breath through his nose. “Then we end this with a final battle of your own creation?” he asked, but he already knew his answer.

“Just like the old days,” Kawahira confirmed.

Tsuna didn't really want the old days to return if all he was going to get were the life-changing battles he had never asked to be a part of. “I won’t lose any of my people doing this. I would rather be found out than let someone die for something so inconsequential.”

Kawahira raised his hands in mock surrender at Tsuna’s harsh tone. “I am not asking for anyone else to die. When you report the number of men that you intend to bring to this battle, add twenty and I will make sure that everyone remembers twenty deaths.”

Tsuna considered the number. “How many do you intend to create for the enemy? Anything larger than three hundred and there is no feasible way that they could have gone unnoticed until this incident.”

“Two hundred, then.”

Was Tsuna really going to do this? 

He couldn’t see another choice.

“Alright,” he said.

Kawahira stood. “Leave the details to me. You just work on your acting skills for when Byakuran shows up in the morning.”

Tsuna didn't respond. He felt like he had just signed away his soul.

Kawahira sighed. “I wish you would stop thinking of me as the villain in this tale, Tsunayoshi. Nothing is ever quite so black and white. I am helping you, after all.”

Tsuna was not ready for that conversation. He was barely holding it together as it was. “We will be in touch, Kawahira.”

Kawahira disappeared without a sound.

Tsuna let his head fall into his hands. He was well and truly past the point of no return. 

He wanted to scream. 

“Tsuna?”

He looked up to see Takeshi standing in front of him, face full of concern.

Deep breath.

Tsuna forced a smile. “Takeshi, you’re back.”

“I did say ten minutes.”

Tsuna looked over at the clock. It had been exactly ten minutes since Takeshi had left. “Oh,” he said softly.

“Are you alright?” 

“I-I’m just a little dizzy is all.”

“I think you need to lie down. You’re really pale.”

Tsuna didn't protest. He wasn’t going to get anything done today.

Not after what he had already done.

Tsuna leaned into Takeshi’s side even though he was capable of standing under his own power. 

Takeshi didn't protest, only threw his arm around Tsuna’s shoulders as if they were just two friends walking down the street.

Tsuna desperately wished that was all they were.

“Half day today, Mario,” Takeshi said cheerfully to the guard. Tsuna didn't hear the response, but he felt Takeshi reach over to grab Tsuna’s cane. He didn't try to talk as he led Tsuna towards his bedroom, but Tsuna could feel the questions rolling off of him.

Hopefully, Kawahira’s scheme would put an end to all of them.

“I’ll come wake you up in time for dinner, and don’t worry about your paperwork, yeah? As soon as Hayato’s back, I’ll make sure he gets it done,” Takeshi said with an easygoing laugh.

“Thank you,” Tsuna said.

Once Takeshi was gone, Tsuna realized he needed to use the bathroom, so he stood back up and stepped into the en suite.

His breath caught.

Staring back at him through the mirror was someone that Tsuna barely recognized. It was him, but it also wasn’t. Tsuna didn't look like that. Not now. Not...yet.

The reflection’s hair fell limp around his face. His cheeks were sunken in, and the circles under his eyes were nearly black. He looked like he had lost fifty pounds that he couldn’t afford to lose.

Around his neck was a bright orange pacifier.

And then there was more grief and rage than Tsuna knew what to do with. It crashed into him like a tidal wave, looking for an outlet.

He didn't want to die.

_He didn't want to die._

Tsuna punched his reflection, shattering the mirror into a hundred pieces.

He cursed when he saw the blood dripping down his hand. How was he going to explain this one?

“That was stupid.”

Tsuna spun around at the unexpected voice. Reborn was standing in the doorway, one eyebrow raised. 

Tsuna hadn’t even heard him come in. “Reborn,” he said.

Reborn grabbed the hand towel that was hanging over the sink and reached for Tsuna. “Let me see it,” he demanded.

Tsuna winced as Reborn wrapped his hand in the towel

“Sit,” Reborn said, nudging Tsuna towards the toilet. “And try not to punch any more glass before I come back.”

Tsuna sat wordlessly.

Reborn returned with a stool from Tsuna’s room, and he pulled out a first aid kit from under the sink. He sat on the stool and pulled Tsuna’s hand into his lap. “Are you going to share what that was about?” he asked as he reached for the tweezers.

“I was angry,” Tsuna said.

Reborn pulled a piece of glass out of Tsuna’s index finger, but Tsuna knew he was listening.

And that made all the difference. The words started pouring out.

“I just-I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I almost get myself killed, and instead of telling anyone, I run away, almost causing a war. I fucked things up with you. My Guardian’s look at me like I’m going to keel over any second. I’ve made Lambo cry at least twice in as many days. I’ve got Timoteo breathing down my neck, waiting for me to mess up even more than I already have, and I’ve got no idea how to fix any of it.” Tsuna shuddered, trying not to start sobbing once again.

Reborn didn't say anything for a minute as he picked little shards out of Tsuna’s skin. “Are you in danger?” he finally asked.

It was an obvious question. Despite popular belief, Tsuna’s mental breakdowns didn't normally have quite the amount of hopelessness that this one did, but he still couldn’t help but feel that Reborn was too close to the truth. “I’m always in danger. It’s in the job description,” he joked weakly, already knowing that his attempts at avoiding the question were terrible at best.

Reborn paused in his work to look at Tsuna. “Is this danger more immediate?”

Reborn and Tsuna weren’t bonded in the strictest definition of the word, but that didn't mean Tsuna couldn’t feel Reborn’s concern. His anger.

His fear.

Tsuna swallowed. “It will be okay, Reborn,” he said, and he almost meant it. In a week’s time, Tsuna’s odd behavior would be the furthest thing from Reborn’s mind. He’d be with Yuni, and things would get better for a while. After that, well, they’d get there when they got there.

Reborn didn't answer, but his flames wrapped around Tsuna’s hand, healing the damage. When the cuts were gone, neither of them moved.

Tsuna couldn’t take the silence. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Tsuna knew that he would have so many regrets when he died, but this couldn’t be one of them. He would not sit around for twelve months while their bond deteriorated until it reached the point where Reborn would no longer care if Tsuna was gone. 

“Do you remember when I was fifteen and tried running away?” he asked.

“Obviously.” 

It had been really stupid of him. He’d had no money, no passport, not even a semblance of a plan. Tsuna had just decided one day that he’d had enough and left in the middle of the night. At the time, he was almost convinced he had gotten away with it when he made it to the bus stop without being followed. He now realized that Reborn had known the whole time, he’d just wanted to see what Tsuna thought he was doing.

Somehow, Tsuna had managed to get himself to the airport, but at that point, he was completely without cash or even the motivation to figure out the next step. Once the sun began shining over the horizon, Tsuna had called Reborn to ask for a ride back. Reborn had picked him up without a word, and they had never spoken about it.

“Do you know why I came back?” Tsuna asked.

Reborn probably had a good idea, but he stayed silent.

“When I got to the airport, I realized that I couldn’t leave. I had nothing to look forward to. I had been nothing before you showed up, and I couldn't live like that again. But more importantly, I realized that I couldn’t turn my back on my friends, my mom, and I couldn’t disappoint you. You were all so desperately important to me back then that I thought I would die if I left. And now, nearly a decade later, I laugh at myself for thinking that I couldn’t love you any more than I already did, but what I feel now is so much more than that. It’s not even comparable. Sometimes I feel like I’ll go insane with how much I worry, how much I care.

“I know that it would be so much easier if I could just tell you everything that’s happened, but even without whatever mental block I have, I couldn’t. But it has nothing to do with trust. I will trust you for the rest of my life because I decided that day, sitting in an empty airport, that you are one of my most precious people. And even if I can’t tell you everything, I can’t do this alone. I need you.” Tsuna knew that he was begging for forgiveness he didn't deserve, and he knew that Reborn had no reason to give it to him, but he had to try.

“Promise me that when you can no longer handle whatever this is, you tell me,” Reborn said calmly.

At that moment, Tsuna would promise the world if Reborn asked. “I promise.”

“Then it’s settled.” Reborn’s eyes were warm and unguarded in a way that they had not been since Tsuna had gotten the pacifier.

Tsuna sagged in relief. Reborn trusted him again.

Too bad it was just in time for his ultimate betrayal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why can I never just let Tsuna be happy? He deserves the entire world and I just make him miserable. Oh well, there's no going back now.  
> Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm here because I don't know how to write anything other than sadness and couldn't help myself with this one.  
> Let me know what you think and thanks for reading!


End file.
